念

一如往年，2011年的尾巴，12月31日，是和小姨一家一起度过跨年的。

每年的这一天，小姨一家会到我家蹭上一个晚上、睡一夜再回去的。小姨一家子说话都很诙谐、很好笑，所以我家在每年的这天都很热闹。这次大表妹还买上了许愿灯，极力游说大家写上新一年的愿望，当时在楼上念书的我也被叫下去了。

我手握着那马克笔，心里却茫起来，不知道该写些什么。近年来，我已没啥许愿的欲望和期待了，就连去年的生日也迷迷糊糊地过 ；后来有人问起许了什么愿，才记起这回事。我想了很久，脑袋只浮现“身体健康”和“平安快乐”。可是天灯上已有了相同大大的字眼在上面，我也就省了这力。

嘿嘿，偷了张表妹拍的照片。后来说了老半天，我发现好像没什么人理会大表妹，我也顺着溜回房，也就没看上放天灯的场景。

由于第二天我家要早出，爸妈忙完了就休息，留下小姨一家在客厅看跨年节目。我临睡前下楼拿东西时，很久没见的小姨和大表妹问我有没有想她们。我楞了一下，然后恶作剧地说了句“完全没有”、偷乐了会儿，在她俩YER了很大声，准备反击前直奔我房。

呵呵，其实又怎么会不想呢。一个是陪着长大的；另一位是有份儿拉拔我长大的人。常常无事时，我都会上面子书翻翻他们的页面，八一下大家的最新近况、干了些什么事，心里可不希望长大分开会和大家拖离太多。只是，有时候逗逗他们，耍耍嘴皮子倒也挺好玩的。(笑) 不过，如果被小姨知道定会灭了我的。 (>.<)lll

                                                  **********


每年的1月1日，是我们一家预留给哥哥的早晨。

去年的二月，妈咪病了，到了四月状态也只好了那么一点点，结果探访去不成了。去年年初那一次后，再见面就是今年了。

从妈咪一大早就忙碌的身影，看得出她很期待，我在半眼惺忪的状态下也被拖起床了。撑着沉重的眼皮、迷迷糊糊吃了早餐后就钻进车子，一直到接近目的地，那熟悉又毒辣的早晨阳光透进车窗、直接照射在眼帘才徹底醒过来。

从妈妈手上接过东西后，和爸爸弟弟快步爬上阶级，直站到他的面前。也许太早了，也许是假期，周围没看见工作人员的身影，爸爸就自己动手搬遮阳伞。

摆放好东西后，静静等待妈咪时注意了面前的树。去年来的时候，这里是空旷的，遮阴的树砍的被砍、剪的被剪，热死了；这次长成了棵不大不小的树，适度展开荫荫双臂为我们挡阳光，感觉美多了、舒服多了。

爸妈忙完后，坐了下来，看着照片，喃喃地说了句好久了。我转头看了一下，心里默然。对呀，真的好久了，算算都有13年了。若还在的话，今年可是他的本命年呢。

妈妈盯着哥哥照片看了很久，也不知道和他说了些什么。我也看了几眼，心里希望他过得很好，希望他能保佑妈咪健康。

在温习周之前，我和美仪抱怨了一下：说为何温习周要定在年底最开心、最好玩的一周；为何新年第四天就开始大考，说我新年忙得很。当她问起我忙些什么时，我脱口说了要探访人，是我们家的传统。她当时还说我家很特别，她家都没这样的活动，我听后也只是笑笑。

虽然和美仪混得很熟，她对我家状况也很了解，我之后也没提上是要看谁去了。不知道，当时也只是单纯觉得别人不问，就不会主动说。倒不是怕触动什么伤心事，只是觉得没这个必要罢了。

我有种很奇怪的认知，不管任何情况下，我都认为自己是我家第二排位的孩子。

以前要填调查表格的兄妹栏时，我总是挣扎了好久，不知是否该把哥一并填上。通常最后，我大多数的时候还是会概括上他的。我不清楚弟妹对此的感受如何，感觉上他们好像没这方面的困扰，没我这奇怪的心态。

再来的是，当别人问我爸我是否我家最大的孩子，我爸笑笑应是时，我脑袋会闪出哥哥的名字，那心里的认知又会莫名其妙冒出来。对我来说，哥哥是大儿子。就算不在了，也是改变不了的事儿，而且我当时小、时间又过了那么久，觉得说出来也没什么。

但是其实，我也明白的，爸爸这样答可以一来可免去别人八卦的机会，二来是向前看，三来是不会扯到他们的伤口。我该理解的，虽然感觉怪怪的。

到后来，除了几个相交较久的朋友知道外，每当别人问起我是否家中老大时，我都会微微点头带过。累了，有时候觉得解释很麻烦，而且也没那个必要，自家事自己收好就好了。


                                       ***********


2012，对于小时候的我来说是个很遥远的数字，没想到转眼我已过了22年了。希望接下来的龙年能平平安安的度过，好好地把握时间，做些有意义的事。


一向很爱淡淡的、暖暖的歌曲。最近一听那英的《花一开满就相爱》就听上瘾了，微哑的嗓音很好听、有魅力。这歌的歌名还和我近来看的散文同标题，不知道是否有关联么。呵呵。


                                                                             花一开满就相爱 春风对雨的依赖
                                                                                        
                                                                             我等待为你飞舞的姿态

世界爱滋日

粉红色的丝带是全球防治乳腺癌的标志，那你知道红色丝带代表着什么吗？

红丝带是关注爱滋病防治问题的国际性标志。红色代表生机、激情和鲜血。它象征对爱滋病患者、爱滋病感染者、及其照顾者的接纳，也象征对爱滋病防治、卫教、治疗方法和疾病研究的支持。

12月1日是世界爱滋日。这是世界卫生组织为了鼓励全球对爱滋防治研究的重视，以及对感染者之医疗照顾与关怀支持而定下的日子。在这天，许多组织都会共同分享爱滋资讯，携手提高大众 HIV 病毒所引起的爱滋病的意识。

今天午休用餐时，大学的AIESEC组织就有派出学生推广这“红色警觉嘉年华”、派赠红色丝带，主要提醒学生们世界爱滋日的存在。和朋友们听了她们的解说后，我们即别上了红丝带，并顺手拿了字牌拍了宣传这日子的照片。据说这照片迟些会被上传到面子书上, 现在想想就觉得有些不好意思。呵呵..

与此同时，我发现身边的人其实都不大晓得这日子，就连我自己也是经她们提醒才想起的。我想往后是得出出力，尽力帮忙提倡这活动了。

2011年的概念是Getting To Zero，一切归零；目标是零歧视、零感染、零死亡。

以上是江西某偏远县的小学生们，为了迎接第24个世界爱滋日，自己亲手制作的预防爱滋病的红丝带标志。当天，该校制作了一个长4米 、宽2米的用于宣传预防爱滋病的特制红丝带，以及上百个小红丝带和花环，表达他们对爱滋病患者的关心和爱怜。

在此，衷心希望透过这些提醒活动，能够让更多人了解爱滋防治的相关信息，并让大家不再带着有色眼镜看待爱滋病患者。

让大家共同响应这「預防愛滋，由我做起，為爱先行」的活动吧！

回不回 + 杂记

一个星期中，我最喜欢的是週末，因为只要到週末我就能回家、可以吃到妈妈煮的饭。这学期课业活动多，很多时候都是想归却不能回。虽然上两个学期我也有些日子没回家，但感觉不会太差，因为妈妈总在我不回家的週末，随着爸爸并带上煮好的饭菜到宿舍探望我。她总会细心为我布菜，在我吃的当儿坐在旁边陪我吃、陪我聊天，直到我吃饱了、喝完汤，才把她带来的一大包小包东西带走。上个学期，妈妈生病了。就算后来妈妈痊愈后，他们也再没在週末送晚餐给我了。没办法，妈妈有时得按时去针灸；爸爸得在家赚外快，好尽早还回向叔叔借的手术费用。

最近由于有许多设计作业必须组合共同制作，上个星期我原是得留在宿舍的。结果到了周六晚上，我最终还是不争气、忍不住打电话给妈妈说我要回家。没办法啊，我已习惯了周六全家围着电视收看《新兵日记》，边看边大笑、边看边讨论、乱糟糟闹哄哄的氛围，在宿舍独自一人在房间赶报告的感觉实在是万分凄凉。最后，我虽然庆幸自己回家了，过得也挺开心的，但问题也出现了。我常会带很多需要完成、需要念到的功课和书本回家，但往往都是带着回家，然后所有东西原封不动地带回宿舍。这造成了我落了许多事情，很多原定的计划都跟不上，这也是我常犹豫是否要回家的原因。

近期要小考了，课业不但沉重，还有许多什么鬼设计 Hopper Design，Heat Exchanger Design，Depropanizer Column Design 和各式各样的Presentation的作业要赶。众多作业当前，我这星期还是选着要回家。前阵子在老师那儿受了些委屈，本人得回去好好休息充电，其他事就暂时搁下吧！

除却一些小小的不愉快，这学期我基本上过得挺惬意的。有好几个连续的星期五，我和美仪都直往外跑，寻美食、找乐子，我还因此在面子书开了个外出美食相册。之前在做实验时，心怡还问我这星期会去哪儿吃，说她会期待我传上的美食照片，我当场还怔了一下。哈哈哈~

之前一直嚷嚷要学音乐，这学期我终于和美仪、姿洁一起加入大学的华乐班学中国笛（就是那种横着吹奏的）。我和美仪学的是绑笛；而姿洁学的是曲笛。曲笛的音较低，缓缓吹出的音调很好听、很迷人。我原是心系曲笛的，无奈手指太小、太短，盖不完曲笛的洞，只好学较高音的绑笛。话说每把笛子是一个调，倘若曲子换调，乐手就得用对调的笛子，所以学长姐每人都有好几把各调兵笛子。由于笛子得订上些日子，好心的导师就把他的笛子借给我们。我的导师是大三兽医系的。他很厉害哦，将笛子吹得行云流水，就算随便乱吹还是很好听，也不知道我们得学到何年何月才有他一半的功力。哎~

学笛子其实一点也不易，尤其是这横着吹的乐器。在上第一堂课时，我吹了很久才成功吹出声音。上完了课后，我的手指简直僵硬得不能动。虽然后来情况有好转些，但还是事后还是免不了手痛嘴酸的下场。目前我们只上了三堂课，从导师那儿学了三首曲子，但我闲时喜欢乱按乱吹，直到拼湊出流行歌曲的音符。目前我记录了些儿歌、圣诞节曲目、铁达尼号主题曲，还有一部分郁可唯的《指望》和胡夏的《那些年》。呵呵，等迟些儿有空时再去挑战 《Kenangan Terindah》。

姿洁不愧是吹喇叭的乐手，刚学笛子就吹奏得有模有样的，天份真是高呢。话说，当天导师的一位朋友说我和姿洁学得很快，还问我们之前是否有学过笛子类的乐器。呵呵~我当时还真想问她小学学的西洋笛算不算。XD

小妹的SPM开考了。所幸，我终于把前些日子买的手工制祈福吊饰交到她手上，希望她能排除万难，一切顺利。这吊饰据说是夜荧的，只要吸取灯光或阳光，晚上会亮起来。我试过了,感觉黑暗中有抹荧光是有些诡异，就让她把它给吊好了。另一个是要送给妈妈，希望她健康长寿，另一边脑血管状况良好，别再出状况了。

对我来说，回家=先甜后苦。那么，你觉得我还要回家吗？

我的答案是：会。

就算之后赶工赶得会有些辛苦、或许我迟会儿会抱怨，我想我还是会选择回家的。


有家，为何不归呢。

电脑。作业

                     在作业堆满的颠峰期弄坏了手提电脑绝对不是件好事
                    尤其碰上最近的作业都得用不同的电脑软件和程式
                            EES、 Aspen、Microsoft Publisher等等
                                       本人的电脑现却空空如也
                          就连Microsoft Word 和Power point 都没有
                                             真的感到好无助啊~ 
                不知道什么时候才有空回家让表姐的男友瞧瞧我的电脑呢?

                        ************************************************

                                                     电脑坏了
                                                   蓝芽也没了
                              为了保存回忆而拍下的照片完全用不上了
                                                  我的宝贝啊
                                            你可乖乖尽快康复
                                让我好好地记载三月发生的事吗？

                     ***************************************************

                                        昨天的心情完全很不好
                          无理化学教授超广泛的Quiz 一点儿都没准备
                            一整天和组员在赶Fluid Mechanics的Bulletin
                                  另一位麻烦教授给的mini project
                                    第一次以编辑的角度做作业
                              还是在我最衰，电脑闹別扭的时候赶工
                                                       唉~
                                     全程这边坐会儿, 那边坐会儿
                           找资料、编写文章、检查语法、排版和设计
                                       花了我大半天的时间
                                         还做到我头昏脑涨
                                         晚餐都没吃就睡了
                     
                     ****************************************************
                                  
                                       所幸今早的Quiz不太难
                                    Project 让教授检查也没什么大问题
                                                好幸运哪~
                                   其他组几乎都被批得体无完肤
                                          昨晚的精神没被白费了
                                    结果心情大好，到处去八一下
                                                 哈哈哈~
                                       最后还被同学揶揄了几句
                                        我表现得太明显了吗？
                                                    呵呵~

                         *************************************************

                            午餐时间看见Kenn 很用功地在复习日文
                                    结果和美仪上前去聊了一会儿
                                          发现好多字我都忘了
                                       下学期要拿回日文吗？
                                       还是学德文或法文呢?

                          ************************************************

                                 傍晚刚完成了TITAS 的Presentation
                                       接下来还有多个作业要赶
                                                  好忙啊~
                                             暂时不能回家了
                              怎么在期末的时候总是特别忙呢?



今、家に帰りたい。

新年亲友团

今年的新年假期只持续到年初四，但我家的新年气氛却比往年浓厚许多。

除夕夜，回阿嫲家吃团圆饭。年初一，表姐们嚷嚷太久没见到阿嫲，所以随我们再次回阿嫲家拜访。很庆幸当天阿姨和表姐妹们的同行，逗得阿嫲很开心。

年初二，早上到外婆家吃饭，待到傍晚又往二姨家出发。

                                                  和表兄弟姐妹的和照 =）

                                                                                     

年初三，我家可热闹了。以往，外公、外婆、舅舅、两位阿姨和家人都会来我们家‘捣乱’。今年，阿嫲和堂兄弟妹们也全聚在我家，真快把我家门给挤爆了！当天大家都相处得不错哦~ 哈哈~ 当然因为我的表亲戚和堂亲戚全从小都相互认识了。我的亲友们很特别吧！ =P 

我弟弟当天还把女友给带回家了。那小子~

                                                        一群嗜赌的家伙

                                                       烂赌的妹妹 + 堂弟

待妈咪和二姨在厨房忙的空档，表姐妹们竟然把我家当背景，四处拍照去。=.=

                                                           小姨+表姐们

                                             我家门外的公鸡也上镜了 >.<

                                                 我们+ QQ在床上玩卡版的大富翁

                                            有点blur的和照（二表姐和堂妹）^^

当天的菜肴很丰富哦~ 有酸酸甜甜开胃的Mi Siam 、寿面、鱼饼、春卷、豆包、咖哩鸡、白斩鸡、烧肉、ABC汤、KFC炸鸡等等；晚饭后还有沙爹、雪糕、龙眼糖水、捞生、蛋糕等。大家真的从下午吃到晚上咧~ 哈哈~

                                              

蛋糕可是表弟亲手做的，为了庆祝外公、弟弟、三表姐和堂哥的生日。其中，三表姐和堂哥的生日竟是同一天呢，多巧！

                                             宋家、凌家、叶家 和辜家的聚会

这就是我今年庆祝的新年。很短暂，但很温馨。

初五妈咪和小姨们要到Tanjung Sepat ，我却因有考试不能跟着去。

                          美丽的风景，可是我却不能亲眼看见。 T______________T

好想看看这夕阳。妈咪，带我去多一次！！！

A bad beginning or a good ending?

January 2011
A month which is filled with both tears and joy
I have went through a lot of difficulties throughout this month
Dunno why
Bad luck seemed to enjoy following me around
Since the beginning of my 2nd semester
Almost everyday I have to deal with different hard scenarios
 
On the first day of school
I have the craziest timetable
which starts from 8am to 7pm
and my German class being cancelled
On the second day
I had a great shock from the report writing class
A class with a scaring, strict lecturer + all third year students as my coursemates
where we'll then have to do reports based on surveys and researches
The briefing given really freaked 5 of us out a lot that day
The next day
I had received calls from the Academic Division officers
that the Ethnic Relation group which I was in is invalid
which indicates that I had to register again for another group in order take this subject

Nevertheless, I had the worst nightmare on the second week
I was forced by my team manager
to take part in both intercollege debate and public speaking competition for the same week
It wasn't my turn for the debate
but I accepted the order for debate
as the original representative had some emergency cases
However, for the intercollege public speaking competition
I really couldn't do it
I actually had phobia to talk in front of the public
Moreover I'm those type of people who couldn't speak well spontaneously
I had already made my biggest move for the debate
and that's my limit
Plus she only told me about the competition three days before exact day of competition
How on earth she expect me to do well when I have no experience at all?

Additionally I was one of the committee members for the event that day
Hence, I rejected the instruction for public speaking by stating my position clearly
Still my manager kept on persuading me to participate
as there's no one who is free or willing to represent our college for the competition
Me and another two friends kept being haunted by her and her head of department
She even planned of refraining us from becoming the committees in order to make us available that day =.=

The list of her actions goes on for another few days
All her calls and words nearly killed me
I indeed didn't like the feelings of being forced or threatened to do something
The situation actually gets more complicated later
and i don't really know how to express them in words clearly here
but the most fortunate thing is that eventually none of us have to participate in the competition
I felt relieved that time
but then the worst thing happened
I lost my matric card (student card) on the way for the debate!
and I only discovered about that just before the debate going to start >.<

Pretty bad luck i had right?
Well, I have experienced another long and bitter journey
of reporting and getting a new one for the following week
At the same time, a few things happened again in the lecture hall
I was totally helpless and mentally exhausted
I wished to be at home but I couldn't
as there were big events and activities for the three consecutive weeks
I really missed my family and my home a lot that time T____T

Luckily, I managed to sneak back home during Thaipusam
I nearly cried when i spilt out all my sad encounters with mummy
Of course, I felt way better after that
and I realized that I really depend a lot on my family
Now I really salute my friends who had to stay far away from home in order to continue their studies
They really carried themselves very well
I couldn't imagine how would I able to go through those hardships without my family's company

I was grateful too
that I have some good friends who helped me to endure all these things
Thanks to Mei Yee, for always helping and accompanying me to lodge report
I was scared and worried that time
Thanks to her support, I was able to make up for most of the things
I really owed her a lot
Another thank you,
specially dedicated to the spammers on my facebook wall the other day. LOL
Most probably they had no idea on how thankful I was to them
I was really DOWN that day
and they had actually made the day easier for me
I owed them these words
Thank you, my friends.

I kept on telling that I had real bad luck since the beginning of this brand new year.
But then Mei Yee consoled me
telling me that all these misfortunes would end soon as the new year is yet to begin
*she meant the Lunar new year.
Ughh
I really hope what she said would turn to be real.
I desperately need some good luck for my upcoming tests. =/

It'll be CNY  in two more days! Hope that everyone will have a happy and healthy year ahead!

PS: Despite those unlucky incidents, I had some great moments in the end of January. I shall share them in my next post.
Remember to pray for those suffered from the floods these days also . =]

Time to say goodbye

Time really flies. With the last paper I had on Tuesday, this indicates that I've completed my first semester studies. 

Yesterday, after picking up my bro, I went back to my college to pack things for the second time & return my room keys to the office. Since I lived in a all-girl-hostel, my bro was not allowed to go up with me. I had to do the movings all by myself. I guess I have too many stuffs there.. It nearly killed me to remove all the things from my room. =.=

I just don't get it. Why would we have to pack our things when we're going to stay in the same room next semester? That's gonna be so troublesome. Imagine that I have to move for so many times in the future years! and I heard that the authorities may rent those rooms to outsiders during the holidays. I just wonder who would like to rent those rooms for such a short period. Menyusahkan saya saja >.<

Ohh..and that's my desk in the pic! Quite messy right? Hahaha~ 

Here, I would like to thank my bro for willing to accompany me back to hostel. He's much better than me at recognizing the route now after daddy's training. ( He is the one who pick me up every Saturday. Of course, with dad sitting beside =] ) He even taught me which way and which lane is better to drive on. LOL.

I was so tired after the packings, so I forced him to drive me back. What an evil sister I am :P

But I treated him and sis with McD after that..so I think he's ok with that then! Hehe..

It still seems unreal for me till now..coz my 1st semester just end like that.. It's kinda short..Haha~ Well, I shouldn't think about this right now. It's time to move on. I need to start reading the TITAS. :( Anyway,

Happy Holidays, everyone! =D